a while back i was lent a book by a guy called nathaniel branden (ph.d) - the author is called that, not the person who lent it to me - who lectures in self-esteem and how to improve it. the tome in question was entitled ‘self-reliance and the accountable life’. there isn’t a soul amongst us who doesn’t need a bit of a boost now and again, a bit of reassurance and the bolstering of ego. but what if you constantly seek this influence in external factors: you want a colleague to notice your new outfit, your b/f has to tell you that you look like you’ve lost weight, you only feel good after a few drinks etc etc? it’s no good is it, cos one day you’ll find yourself unemployed, single and with a drink problem… and no, i’m not talking about myself here (for once). the most striking part of the book comes when NB (ph.d) states - and i’m paraphrasing here: no-one is coming to save you, you are on your own!! quite scary but also quite liberating, no? i take it to be him telling me to be my own best friend, after all you and your body and your mind will be inextricably linked forever so why not be nice to yourself like you would your bff?

two things that NB (ph.d) recommends that his students do every morning is think about two questions: what is good in my life? and, what needs to be done? i.e. focus on the positives and understand that your health, happiness and wellbeing are in your hands. try it - you might like it. self-responsibility is the key to feeling like an empowered, mature and independent individual and this is key in having possessing and nuturing self-esteem. don’t be a victim - shit happens to everyone but your past should not prevent you from living in the present and shaping your future… you can do it, i know you can! make autonomy, self-reliance and acceptance (of yourself and others) your new way of living xx